i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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