I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
