I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
