you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
