I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
