We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
