3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
