I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
