he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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