Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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