There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
