Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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