The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
