they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
