I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
