i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
