I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
