They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Green mimosas i think yes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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