Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
