I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
