this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
