literally had 100 drinks last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
