My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
