I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
pop tarts are not kleenex
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
