You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
