I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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