"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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