she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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