She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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