im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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