Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
