Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
