Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
