Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
