So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
