ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hippo gnu deer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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