i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
