You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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