Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
