Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
