I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
