Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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