We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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