he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Bring me that man meat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
