Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
