WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
