he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
