yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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