I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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