Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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