i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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