Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
