At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
