the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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