look no pants
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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