I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
